woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
