if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
