ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
