His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you mean i was at the winter classic?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
