I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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