come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
