hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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