margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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