he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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