I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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