How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize