so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
a search helicopter?!
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize