Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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