She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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