I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize