Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
