We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
