I am spending my child support on dildos
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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