Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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