He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
