ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
