Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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