It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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