Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
