i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
