take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
