No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
