I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
