I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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