Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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