Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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