i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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