Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
