I want to stick my p in your. b.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
