I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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