Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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