You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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