I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize