your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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