oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
