i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Congratulations! We have a period
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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