watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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