this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
it's like heaven, but drunker
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
