i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
