Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Drake has all the answers
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize