you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
