Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
