I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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