She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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