My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
