Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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