dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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