i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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