I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
we're making bets on your personal life
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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