one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize