i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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