You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
