is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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