i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
