brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
