i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I pour the whiskey from now on
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
