kristin has been a bad kristin
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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