there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
