God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
