I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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