end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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